It occurred to me that because I’ve been a little inconsistent with how I’ve referred to my kids and grandkids over the years, it’d be a good idea to do a complete cast listing. Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense to do that now that all of my kids are adults, but here we are. And I suppose if I wanted to be especially fastidious about things, I’d go back and edit all of the posts where I used someone’s real name. I still might do that. We’ll see.
Oldest Son
He was born in 1990 when I was married to First Wife. He currently lives in Pennsylvania, rooting for all the Pittsburgh sportsball teams. He graduated from a trade school several years ago and has worked a variety of jobs from food service to lawn care and a general construction company. His current project is a bespoke wood products company.
He’s the other Jimmy Buffett fan in the family, probably in large part because I played so much Buffett in the car driving between Pittsburgh and Columbus. It warms my heart that we share a love for Jimmy’s music.
Oldest Daughter
Born in 1996. She’s mother to First Grandson. She’s a professional drug dealer (AKA pharmacy tech), as well as a photographer. She’s the resident horse fan, at one time attending Meredith Manor to go into horse training. She’s recently engaged to Lego Dude, who is father to Groandaughter and GrandArtist. She and Oldest Son share a birth month; their birthdays are just three days apart in June. They share a birthday month with Medical Cousin. Oldest Daughter, Middle Son, Middle Daughter, and Youngest Son all worked at the local Chick-Fil-A restaurant, though Oldest Daughter didn’t work with the others.
Number Two Son
Born 1998. He’s married to McNugget Tamer. His job history includes fast food, the Army, and cell-tower rat. The funny part about his Army career is that before he joined up, I regaled him with stories of my time in Germany and how I almost got sent to Korea. You know: Join the Army and see the world, right? He enlisted from NE Oklahoma, traveled to South Carolina and Virginia for training, then ended up stationed at far-off…Fort Riley, Kansas, just over five hours away from home. He’s got a daughter from a previous relationship, First Granddaughter, who lives with her mom in the Fort Riley area. He also roots for aO$U, the traitor.
Number Three Son
Born 1999, just thirteen-and-a-half months after Number Two Son. He attended the local vo-tech with his brothers, concentrating on auto mechanics. He worked for two local dealerships before getting a job offer from the horse camp we’ve been affiliated with for a long time. So he’s back in NW Ohio, baling hay, keeping the tractors and farm equipment maintained, and generally helping farm operations. He’s not much into sports. He’s one of the motorcyclists in the family.
Middle Son
Born 2000, fourteen-and-a-half months after Number Three Son. I named him Middle Son because he’s the middle child of the 7 I have with Diana. He and Number Three Son used to fight like cats and dogs, to the point where we’d yell their names so close together it sounded like one word. He worked at Chick-Fil-A for the longest time and now works at the same company as Youngest Son. He’s one of the traitors in the family, rooting for Ohio State, even though he’s got family ties to Michigan. He’s also one of the motorcyclists in the family, though he’s currently without a bike.
Youngest Son
Born 2002, and our second May birthday. His birth involved a squad ride at 90 miles an hour in the rain. He attended the local vo-tech school for IT and currently works for a national educational computer support company. He’s big into D&D, online gaming, and saving for a Tesla.
Middle Daughter
Born 2004. Our dancer. She’s been dancing for over a decade now, starting not long after we moved to Oklahoma. And now that I think about it, she may have done some clogging back in Columbus, so before 2011. She’s the one who got me involved with Nutcracker, too. She’s danced a number of roles in the show, from Jester Doll to snow dancer (x3) to Waltz of the Flowers (x3) and Sugar Plum. Oh, and Party Adult (with Youngest Son as her partner). She competed for several years and led the competition team for a couple of years, including choreography.
She’s currently enrolled at NSU in Business Administration, dances on the pom team, just pledged Delta Zeta, and continues to teach at the dance studio.
Youngest Daughter
Our December baby, born 2005. She’s our gymnast. She took lessons for five or six years at a local gym and got pretty good at it. But the aches and pains got to be a little too much for her, so for a research paper in her freshman year of Classical Conversation (AKA Challenge 1), she looked into the long-term effects of gymnastics. Her conclusion ended with, “…and that’s why I’m quitting gymnastics.” We dragged her into Nutcracker in 2022 as Drosselmeyer’s partner in the party scene, meaning she got to dance with me, which was fun.
She’s currently in her freshman year at NSU on an HR track in business. She just joined Tri-Sigma as a legacy.
First Grandson
Hardly an original name, I know. Early on he was just “Grandson,” because he was the only grandchild. But there are a lot more grandchildren now, so he gets to be FG. His parents are Oldest Daughter and Mechanic Man. He’s 5 and attends the same elementary school as GrandArtist and GroanDaughter.
McNugget Tamer
Many years ago, Number Two Son had an incident where he chewed a Chicken McNugget for a very long time, much to the consternation of Editor Friend. She promptly nicknamed him McNugget, and that’s even how she refers to him in her blog. I chose Tamer because she’s the one who got him to settle down. He wasn’t out of control really. But he needed someone to love and accept him, and she’s it.
She’s the mother of Ferret Watcher and Tributary.
Tributary
The 5th grader. That’s a play on his nickname, which I should know more about the origins of, but I don’t. For that matter, I don’t know much about his sister, either, and I should; McNugget Tamer and Number Two Son have been together for a couple of years now. He’s the football player, too, playing his first season of tackle football. He does alright, but the team is small in numbers, so the boys are pretty gassed by the end of the game.
Ferret Watcher
She’s got a ferret, of course. She’s a couple of years older than Tributary.
Lego Dude
He and Oldest Daughter have been dating for about a year. He’s the father of GrandArtist and GroanDaughter. He is, amusingly, the cousin of Oldest Daughter’s first husband. He’s built quite a collection of trains and other models from LEGO. Most are kits, but I’m pretty sure he’s made a few from scratch. He works at a local brickworks.
GrandArtist
I could just as easily have named her BugGirl or Snakecharmer or something similar. This past summer (2024) when they’d spend the day over at our place, she’d grab crayons or markers and start drawing. Or she’d grab the tape, glue, and scrap paper and start building stuff. She made this Sephora store, complete with products, display counter, and checkout, all out of scrap paper and cardboard. It was pretty impressive.
She’s also into creepy-crawlies. I was over the other day while they were playing outside and she walked up with a nine-inch-long Plains Garter Snake she’d found behind the neighbor’s house. She was handling it without a care in the world.
Groandaughter
After school started for the ’24 school year, Oldest Daughter asked me to meet the kids at the bus a few times. I’d hang out with them at their place until she or Lego Dude got home. One day I was sitting on the love seat working on a blog post with Groandaughter curled up almost in my lap when I made the Freudian slip. But I kind of like it.
She’s a mild-mannered sweetie, even if she is a little scatterbrained sometimes.