Pet Peeves
Someone posted an interesting question at one of the writing forums where I hang out.
What are your pet peeves in stories?
The post was aimed at movies and television, though it could be expanded to novels relatively easily.
One big one that stuck out to me amounts to set dressing. Beds are neatly made. Furniture is always perfect without any wear or tear. I’ve got a cat. She likes to scratch.
Someone else pointed out the spotless kitchen even though someone just finished cooking a three-course breakfast—that nobody touched. There’s a scene in the Cheaper By The Dozen remake like this.
And after a romantic dinner, no one does the dishes. But there’s no need, since the kitchen is perfectly clean.
I mentioned three (so far).
Getting Shot Hurts
There’s a scene in The Rookie where Nathan Fillion and Eric Winter are confronted by some bad guys. In S3 E13, “Triple Duty,” Rey Gallegos and his crew threaten the good guys, and Fillion shoots him in the chest.
Except surprise! Gallegos is wearing a vest.
How does he respond? “Ow.”
Okay, I get that even though The Rookie is billed as a police procedural, they take certain liberties with actual procedure. Lots of police procedural stories do that. But if we’re going to show people getting shot, let’s be at least a little realistic about it.
Even with a trauma plate in place, Gallegos should have reacted a lot more than “Goodness. It appears that a law enforcement officer has fired at me.” No, he shouldn’t have been blown off his feet by the impact of a 9mm round (it’s that whole Third Law of Motion thing). But he would have suffered a lot more pain from that impact. The average 9mm round moves at about 1,100 feet per second. You’re going to feel it when you get hit, and it’s going to hurt. A lot. You’re not going to just stand there, pull the bullet out of your vest, and say, “Ow.”
Writers can do better.
You Have The Right
Everyone knows the Miranda warning. You’ve heard it hundreds of times on dozens of police dramas.
Few of them get it right.
Officers don’t need to “read you your rights” at the side of the road or when they slap the cuffs on you. The Miranda warning only needs to be read (and usually signed) when you’re the subject of a custodial interrogation. Custody means you’re not free to leave. Interrogation means they’re asking you more than just identification questions, because giving your name and address isn’t a 5th Amendment issue.
Plus, departments usually have specific policies and procedures surrounding the administration of the warning. The two departments I served in required officers to read directly from the form, not recited from memory, and the suspect had to initial after each section. They also had to sign and date the form.
Also, if they left and came back for another interrogation, we had to do the form all over again.
So when Danny Reagan handcuffs someone and spouts the warning while he’s doing it, it’s probably not going to stand up in court.
Sure, it’s nice drama. But it’s hardly accurate.
And here’s a life pro tip: if you’re ever in a situation where a cop has pulled out a Miranda warning sheet, your first statement after you sign it should be, “I decline to answer any questions without my attorney present.” Advising you of your rights means they consider you a suspect. Granted, some departments Mirandize everyone they talk to. But in general, it’s a Bad Thing™ for them to administer that warning.
Guns, Again
Guns are loud. This will surprise few people.
The average portrayal of gunfire in movies and television is barely accurate.
Even when shooting outside, it’s loud, and it will affect your hearing. Trust me on this.
Indoors? Yeah, your ears are going to ring for a while. You’re going to lose some of your hearing, too. Like, permanently. Again, trust me on this one.
Hearing loss is cumulative, by the way. That means it adds up over time.
So when cops shoot someone in a house, or a bar, or a hospital? They’re going to have trouble hearing for a while just after. How long? It varies. Maybe a couple of hours. Maybe a day. Yes, earplugs can help. But cops don’t have time to put them in, and most earplugs block all sound, making it hard to hear things they need to hear, like communication with other officers. Electronic earplugs exist, but they’re not in widespread use yet. They should be deafened for a while, but you never see that happening. Even on that clip from The Rookie, Nolan’s hearing was fine by the end of the day.
The other gun thing that catches my attention a lot is shell casings.
When a semi-auto gun fires, it ejects the empty shell casing and loads another.
Those empty cases generally drop to the floor, and they make a lovely tinkling sound as they hit and bounce. Or at least they’re supposed to. That kind of thing usually gets handled by the Foley operator, and it should be one of the easiest things to set up.
It’s becoming a bigger deal these days as shows change the type of prop firearms they use after the negligent shooting on the set of Rust. As more shows move to using Airsoft guns (which don’t eject casings), that means more work in post-production.
Writers don’t need to worry about post-production. We can just put it in the first draft. Little environmental details like that will help your writing in the long run.
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